You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
