I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
