I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
