It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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