Already got asked if we're dating
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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