She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
