party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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