THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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