I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I cut my penus on the lid.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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