This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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