whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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