I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
