my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Couch. On fire.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
