How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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