Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
