i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
