I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I love you. Go after that dick
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
