i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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