I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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