she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
