Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
