This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Randomize
