everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
