I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
