Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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