He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
