I'm eating all of the evidence.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
