I'm so fucking centered right now
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
