I just saw a hot homeless man
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
