3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
