I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My dick has a subreddit
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
