the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
