Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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