he shaved USA in his pubs
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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