i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
