Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
