Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
