wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
