i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
