9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
