Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm too high and old for this...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
