If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I need a beard to bite.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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