you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
