I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
