In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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