she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Randomize
