If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
