Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
