How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
try to milk me bitch
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
