There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
